Save the fucking excuses I know are coming, the ones where you say code got pushed before it was ready (no shit, we all brought SoL - we KNOW that routine), and please, after *9* months you're "fixing a bug" and don't feel the need to mention it? You want to fix a bug? Go fix procs and bard songs, go fix frame rates in the bazaar so it doesn't look like characters pop and lock like a Mitsubishi commercial - oh wait, you never fucking thought 750 people would be in the bazaar at once?

*shocked*

Hey, why don't you guys down in the Brain Trust just admit you have no fucking clue about bards, not in how they work, not in how they are played - and is painfully obvious, certainly not the code - and save me and the rest of the bard community from having a fucking aneurysm every patch day for shit you break, intentionally or simply due to ignorance and incompetence (or more likely, some unholy triumvirate).

But I'm not trying to veer too far off course, we're talking about you guys clearly giving us the fucking shaft. I'm not trying to get other classes nerfed, hell, I love that manaburn works so well and is 5 pts - it's a great tool, same with escape - at 9 pts we have tremendous recovery from dumbass mistakes (we're pretty good at those - oh, in a totally unrelated issue, if you have a Vox stick to sell, send Abru a tell)... but IM3 at 18 pts didn't by ANY means bring us up to where we should and need to be, but it helped a good deal - even if we're still slaved to our epic. Then this fucking piece of work patch comes along - Cong bards, another 18 pts later and we can have SM3 but still be in the red. No offense (I've already called you cocksuckers, but let's let bygones be bygones), but what the fuck were you guys thinking?

Never fear, I'm not here to just rant, I'm here to help:

1. Remove head from ass
2. Go to the boards - read the well documented issues
3. Solicit input - note some whining bastards who can't form a sentence without the word fuck still have a point
4. Get your design team and your programmers together - help them with number 1
5. Go over the fucking problems
6. FIX SHIT - if someone says it's too hard to fix or code, start firing people
7. Go back to the boards - read the feedback
8. Repeat as necessary - by the time you start looking for a number 8, I'll have something witty, insightful and hopefully without the word fuck (no promises).

I get all worked up about this shit, but I'm trying to calm down - please, email me at tork_dropbox@yahoo.com, check TCH - I don't care, do something or you risk losing the support of your most cohesive and tolerant player base community.

Bad Idea Jeans

Stalkers, Wanna-be's and Unoriginal Bastards

Quotes of the Day
Asshole of Guild Edition

So you know what happens when LoS gets a big win? That's right - drama. Don't get me wrong, LoS is going to work Emp over hard and go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch to quote, but you take 65 people and 40 rifts, well, you do the math even if our members can't. Thankfully VI decided to save the epileptic children of the world and patch today, so we broke out the broom and did a little housework in Ssra for the clean sweep.

Before Emp, the basement needed a little attention, we kicked up a few snakes and shook loose a tunic, BP and a poker - note the text book positioning and dead troll we always strive for:

Then on to clearing up the the arch, also known as time to go afk while ninja loggers read the message board to see when CoH is set up. LoS was running like a machine tonight, and the Emp was dead in 28 mins - hell of a turn around from just a few days ago, but success breeds success and I was extremely proud of the guild to recover from an 11 second lag spike vice our usual "run around and die" tactic in similar situations. In one of those ccc yet wuwu ironies unique to LoS, we get our second set of rifts after 2 months of trying and, of course, the key combine is broken.

What we've been missing all this time: Warder MT

Loot was extremely impressive again tonight - hard to complain, what with a torque dropping, but we got 2 of the bard speed horses... I'm tempted to bid on one so I can destroy it, but I'm sure when Inner AC is revamped, I'll find some comparable bard items, like right click GoK. =P

Yah, I'm happy for my guildmates that get it, bard speed is amazing and one of the biggest reasons I continue to play one, but that doesn't stop me from complaining VI just hands out one of the hallmarks of my class - many would argue, in fact, bard speed is the class defining ability - no one plays a bard to 60 to pump manasong - we have Tcar the autofollow wonder bard of the Tzko Army with 2 pieces of gear and 2 songs total to do that,

Ignore Desp, he sucks.

In all seriousness, if you guys would remove and/or increase the speed cap on bards, that'd reinstate one of our class defining features and at least let us know you're working on something in the long list of things to do.

Anyhow, we've got all the rifts we need and I look forward to the day Mort and Gage join us in VT~ if you're interested in buying a rift, send Crazz and Crazz only a tell in-game - but speaking of Vex...

Yes, it's that fucking dark, it's always that fucking dark and yes, we always use cleric pets. In spite of building this wonderful city locked away tighter than the sheriff’s daughter on prom night, the Akhevens haven't mastered the fucking light blub yet. I hate to tell the VI Brain Trust, but making it all dark and shit doesn't hide the fact you used but a handful of fucking models in the entire SoL end zone. I feel a little ripped off - any cack can hit AR and get the nickel tour, but here's a few shots from the inside:

I'm not accusing anyone of shipping this Monty Haul expansion pack, oh, 2-3 months early but at least in NToV they made the chickens different colors - but speaking of colors...

Have you ever shit so bad you experienced a psychotropic color shift? I've experienced it before, always dismissing it as a fluke or perhaps owing to still being intoxicated - Malt Liquor Does It Quicker, eh Billy Dee? - but today at work it was brutal - there was some serious gastric violence being visited upon not only the bathroom stall and mucus membranes of my co-workers, but my body had gone traitor on me.

I knew things were amiss when I had this unholy headache on the drive into work, and a pronounced downward shift in my center of gravity only hinted at the trauma to come - but I paid it no mind as this fucking guy looking under his hood held up traffic for 4fucking5 minutes. Jesus - how many times do you rubbernecking son of a bitches have to see some sorry bastard with the hood up on his car - I mean, motherfucker, he's STANDING RIGHT THERE and doesn't know what the fuck is wrong, your fucking 5 second gawking-can't-tear-your-slack-jawed-mouth-breather-eyes-away diagnosis of the problem isn't going to tell you shit and is NOT worth wasting, again, 4fucking5 minutes of my life - especially when I have 80 pounds of shit with a vengeance in my guts, but I digress...

Anyhow, I'm doing great and forget these things in the face of that angry crescendo of discovery - no turtleheading or other associated cheek quivers of doom. Later in the day, however, I jumped off my desk (don't ask) and inertia got the best out of me - I felt the loadstone snap free of whatever tenuous shackles moored it in place the instant I landed, squatting and bending my knees in instinctive cushion; my brow fevered immediately in a cold sweat and my pupils dilated in as much shock as fear. I waddled, scurried and scooted shamelessly down the hall to the head, afraid to even fart lest I shit on myself.

After a few feints and feigns through the office, I finally found relief in the bathroom, and luck was on my side - not another soul in there. Now at this point, I knew things were gonna be epic and I grabbed the handicapped stall next to the wall - if I'm going to spend 20+ mins in there, I want room to stretch out and take a luxury shit, not to mention railings to grab when things got ugly. Of course, the true reason was that the the handicap stall was so big you can't identify the occupant's feet, and as normally proud as I am of my fecund bowels, with something like this it would have been rough jerking my knees up or kicking my feet out every time unlucky sap opened the door and stumbled upon shit so vile it was peeling the paint off porcelain.

It's almost anticlimactic to go on, but I walked that thin line of consciousness and shat something more akin to a still borne calf of asphalt and road tar than human feces and yet lived to tell about it. With a trace of sadness and the business end a plunger, I triple flushed my fallen foe as the pleasant afterglow of the Void surrounded me... Vale, Vale, Vale.

Stalkers, Wanna-be's and Unoriginal Bastards

Quotes of the Day

Emp: 17 LoS: 1

Wooooooooooo! Weeks of work culminated tonight with LoS literally destroying the Emp in near perfect form and fashion - no bullshit or tomfoolery, just straight up teamwork. No question we struggled with this snake, but I can totally relate to how All Star game managers must feel when trying to sort out a bullpen - our clerics are top notch (with magical rings up the wazoo BANNED) and it wasn't easy adapting to the automaton nature of CH rotations from our trademark chaos healing. I can't express how great it felt to see that motherfucker face down like only Luther Campbell would truly understand, but it was also a huge sense of relief after coming so very close, attempt after attempt.

With all due respect to drama, the Greeks believed tragedy plus time equaled comedy - and looking back at this win, from Ssra key camps and shards to seemingly endless coffin runs after being so very close, nothing seems more apt or true - we did have a lot of fun and at times shit went so horribly wrong all you can do is to laugh - and that's what kept us logging in, night after night, ready to try again - that, and to block the zone so naked dorfs suffocated.

nice

But on to the stuff you people really care about, loot, which happened to be incredibly good - Mooto even got the first Garrison's, but was on the wrong end of the deal.

Again, congrats to all my guildmates - I'm proud of killing the Emp, but more so in how we pulled it off.

/non-HGS hug~

Stalkers, Wanna-be's and Unoriginal Bastards

Quote of the Day