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Where Are the Hard Nipples? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Tuesday, December 5, 2000 --  tigole

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Velious: Land of Ice, Snow, Freezing Winds. . . .So explain to me, why is the hotty High Elf chick on the cover of the box not sporting her high beams?  My nipples get hard just thinking about all that snow.  Well, nonetheless, I decided to buy the expansion anyway.  In fact it's sitting here on my desk.  Waiting to be opened. . . .waiting to be installed. . .I even drove to the GHETTO to buy it.  Man, Ghetto Mall was the only place that had it in stock.  I get there and I cannot find the store.  I pass this one spot that used to be a Mexican Restaruant.  This will tell you just how ghetto this mall is.  The Mexican Restaraunt closes down and a Jewelry store moves in.  But the jewelry store doesn't renovate the space at all.  It's called DON ROBERTO'S JEWELERS now. . .fucking, gold necklaces displayed in spanish-style windows, you know, white stucco, subtle arches.  Anyway, thanks to Ghetto Mall, I now have my copy of Scars of Velious.  I also remember why I do all my shopping online.  Shit, that reminds me I need to cancel my Amazon pre-order.  Ghetto Mall ninja-striked my business.

Anyway, as you know it was patch day yesterday. . . today. . . tomorrow.  Of course we keeeeeled stuff.  Here is some dead stuff to look at:

Venril Sathir finally dropped some much needed Trousers for one of our gaybards:

We were also blessed with that FINE cleric staff.  But soon it turned to a curse.  LoS might be disbanding because all of our clerics are fighting over the staff. . .Don't be surprised if we all just quit everquest and start a Minesweeper guild or some shit.

Of course, this guy had to die too:

Drops were nice.  A Poison Mantle for Rakab Bakar and a Mrylokar Breastplate for Relic.

AFK Messages of the Day:

Quotes of the Day:

Stalkers, Wanna-Be's, Unoriginal Bastards and Shigole, My Hero, of the Day:

Ok, enough updating for today.  Time to go see Velious.  Hopefully Verant will be patching Hard Nipples into the game soon.  That and fishing on the Boat.

 

 

Yesterday I went to a hockey game with my brothers.  Was gone most the day, into the evening.  Of course, somehow I manage to lock myself out of my apartment.  I think about knocking on the Manager's door and waking him up (it's about 10pst at this point) but then I remember it's December now and, oh shit, I forgot to pay rent.  Plus I can hear my f'ing dog barking.  So I wasn't to privy to banging on the Manager's door, having him come up to my apartment, with barking dog, late rent, and letting me in.  I finally get a key from my father who lives a few towns away.  Anyway, I turn on the computer and see a post from Rakab on our message board saying Dragons are up!  Talendor, Severilous, Gorenaire. . . all spawned.  Wow, I think to myself.  We just killed them.  How awesome that there are more dragons for us to keeeeeel.  I am very psyched to hear the loot.  I hope that someone took screenshots so I don't have to post a bunch of old pics of dead dragons.

Well, apparently we are now a roleplaying guild.  All dragons alive when I log in.  It's too late for a raid.  There is one cleric online.  Let me practice my roleplaying:

/em gives a swift boot to the ass to all guildmembers who let dragons live

/em boggle

/em hi hun.  i am really a girl in real life.  i look just like my wood elf character.  i even wear leather pants around the house

wow, roleplaying is fun.  sure beats dead dragons.

Never being a quitter.  I decide to put together a hasty raid to quench my bloodthirst.  Unfortunately, the only one interested is me.  The raid is set.  the CHANCELLOR DI ZOK in Lake of Ill Omen must die! Wow. Here's a pic after the big defeat:

It was a tough fight but our raid party, me, survived.  Usually, we don't give out our strategies (sorry all my level 1 friends) but just this once I will share some of my uber-l33tness with you.  Buffs are key.  First I buff with Jboots.  Next comes Ultravision.  Then Strength of Earth combined with my +7 attack buff from my Shrunken Goblin Earring.  At this point I am a virtual killing machine.  There is no stopping me.  I prefer to stand in the corner and with any luck, get a nice clean solo pull of the Chancellor.  Next I press the "A" button.  If Chancellor Mo Faka starts casting, I move around and backstab him.  Quite l33t.  I can see this being copied and pasted all over the net already. . . .My dominance of the Chacellor spawn is no more. . .Loose Lips Sink Ships.

Anyway, here is some of the FINE loot obtained on Sunday:

Quotes of The Day:

Today's quotes of the day are indicative of classism in EQ. . .poor bards

MARCK EMARCK DECLARED PRESIDENT OF NORRATH

LANDSLIDE VICTORY

The Impartial Witness, Slayar of Sanctuary:

President Marck took immediate action.  I quote:

The cabinet and administration I have appointed are as follows:

Vice President - Galiaan

Chief of Staff - Lutador

Surgeon General - Polonious

Director of Defense - Amulek

Director of Secret Service - Signel

Press Secretary and Public Appearances - Tigole Bitties

Liason to Community Affairs - Debonica due to her extreme amount of people skills she has demonstrated.

UNCONFIRMED APPOINTMENTS

First Lady - Jangos

3 Supreme Court Justices - Arlos, Mudcrush, Joboba

Personal Bodyguard Against Fell/Kyojitsu - Sinah

Speaker of the House - Tenaj

Future appointments will follow but have yet to be decided before consulting Vice President Galiaan.

Tigole, you may quote me as saying this, "My first act as President of Norrath will be to cleanse our peaceful lands of what I and my Vice President have deemed to be "Enemies of the state". These people are considered to be harmful and dangerous to the equilibrium of our land. One such enemy is being dealt with as we speak. (Consult Picture below)"

Thank you my fellow Norrathians. Rest assured I shall rule fairly during my life term as your president. Please address me as Mr. President in the future. Thank you.

President of Norrath Marck Emarck

However the Election was marred when Chon Durtfeet, Enemy of the State released this statement:

let it be known on this day, that the TRAITOR TO THE CROWN, MARCK, and all of his followers shall be dealt with swiftly. As high exalted minister of defense, I promise that this SCOURGE of a rebel will die a horribly painful death.

I talked to the high exalted minister of offense today, and he had only this to say. " that little fag is going to die. die die die die die die die die die. the forces of King Valmoon are meeting tonight to discuss the horrible nasty shit we are going to do to marck."-- Leick

I also spoke with Prime minister of sexiness, Crazz."I assure you Chon, he won't be a problem. he is very unsexy, which means that only female chars played by guys will follow him. Valmoon on the other hand.... well lets just say marck is nothing compared to him."

I promise, good people of los, this little traitor shall die a miserable horrible death. GOD BLESS THE KING!


High Exalted Minister of Defense,
Chon Durtfeet.

Crazz went on to offer:

Valmoon, not only is the king,but he is the sex symbol of Norrath.

President Marck, never one to rest on his laurels, game back swinging:

Look at the surname of what crazz was, Crazz Ecrazz. I own he. I own you chon mcsucksazz. The time of this weakly built and extremely poosae monarchy are over. It is over chon. It has been and will always be. Dimpled chads will not save you here fool man.

And I am the uber sexy dorf chon. Im sorry but you must not have read my profile in Draed's thing. I understand if barbs such as you cant work something so uncomplicated like that but oh well. Two of such chicks are in my pic there. Men who wear dresses can never and will never rule.

The PRESIDENT Marck Emarck

Soon Political Alliances from all over Norrath were being formed.  Parv Vardt, Pride of Rivervale joined into the controversy:

WTF is this shit about?

And I can promise the Guardians of the Vale to come to President Marck's aid should you treacherous gay barbs try to ass hump us.

--Parv Vardt

Chon put up quick defenses, trying to shield his Paper Monarchy:

Marck --

your pituful attempts to intimidate me have failed. i have no fear of your little gay self. and parv, choose your side wisely. kaladim shall soon know the furry that is Barb..... do you want rivervale to suffer the same fate? do you want all if its people killed? do YOU want to hold the burden for condeming them?

High exalted minister of defense,
Chon Durtfeet.

Representing the Vale, Parv responds:

Minister Chon:

For too long the gay barbs of Halas (wtf gay name is White Rose? Least we have Deeppockets and the Wall) have oppressed the citizens of Rivervale. I accept the thrown gauntlet, challenge the might of the Wall and suffer our fury, gay barb.

Iaminae Silvercloud, cornered by the volatile political environment, makes a reluctant alliance:

Minister Chon:

I have no problem with valmoon.., but however the fact that you appear to be having a secret alliance with Tarkien by the due fact you share the same race, it saddens my heart to pledge the support of the wizards of Faydwer to President Marck, and the halfling known as Parv. You will shortly be bombarded by ice comets, sun strikes, and if you manage to resist those, we will simply lure you down to dust.

--Iaminae Silvercloud

President Marck, strong and respected leader that he is, ends the debate once and for all:

Minister Chon:

The guardians of the vale are victorious over the goblins of runnyeye and the stormguard of kaladim have always beaten back the ogre hordes~ The white rose (wtf?) and whatever else you contain in your fool city has been victorious in uhm sucking ass.

The guardians of the vale and the stormguard of kaladim simply will have no trouble ripping your puny barb army a new asshole then pissing down your throats when we stand over your cold dead corpses. Thx~ next please

Iaminae the amabassador of the pasties and parv representative of the halflinks has spoken their support for me. The support you have garnered is a single cowboy. I will have parv send some deputies to arrest he before he causes more trouble at the fool's gold saloon~

The President of Norrath Marck Emarck

And now for something completely different:

Trakanon died yesterday.  Loot consisted of a Manna Robe and a Deepwater Breastplate.  Here's a pic of The Wizard of Ozus looking like the fly-pimp-mack-daddy he is:

Danuvin thanks you all for the Deepwater Breastplate.

Did I mention we have the sexiest Enchanters out of any guild?  Especially Saldor. . .

Quotes of the Day:

From Chon Durtfeet:

"kaladim shall soon know the furry that is Barb...."

From Saldor the Silvermoon, friendly neighborhood enchanter:

Stalkers, Wanna-Be's and Unoriginal Bastards of the Day: